DogPoo Patrol Melbourne
I believe very much in free enterprise. Every time I break a window, I create employment for the person, who repairs it. Over the years, I have supported train maintenance companies, schools, public buildings, the list goes on.
This philosophy extends to Melbourne, where dog fouling has become an industry. It has become viable to let your property get covered in dog faeces and then employ the company to do the following:
We will clean your property thoroughly of all accumulated dog poo and take the waste away with us.
We will thoroughly disinfect our equipment before and after each visit.
We inform you of any apparent irregularities with your dog's poo.
We fill up the dog's water bowl when necessary and close the gate securely when we leave.
A service slip is left with each visit to your property.
To me, this is the green light for us all to allow our premises to become absolutely covered, I will fill the employment void. I have a renewed purpose in life.
See their website here.
Friday, July 31, 2009
DogPoo Patrol Melbourne
Stick with the blog and I will be back in 2 weeks - If you are very good I may even send you a postcard :-)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Obviously the word is out amongst Royal Mail postal workers that Peter Arronsen & I are avid anti-red rubber band activists and that their days of inconsiderate littering will no longer go unnoticed.
I believe it was a cunning trap, set to entice me away from the comfort of my home and into a situation where I would be silenced once and for all by Postman Plod.
If his comic strip in Viz is anything to be believed, I would have received no mercy from this fiend.
Take a good look at him - if you see a man matching his description, walking the streets in the early morning, carrying a bag full of letters & parcels - then you know what to do.
Get your attack in first and make sure he doesn't drop another red rubber band in your neighbourhood again.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The great Dave Allen endorsed our campaign many years ago. If only there could have been more open discourse of this nature.
Thank you, Dave, may you rest in peace.
Poop Freeze @ Yahoo!7 Video
Fairly useful, 5 Jul 2009
Wayne Redhart - West Midlands, UK
Martin Hash - Dallas TX, USA
"This product is amazing. The best part is when it forms the white, crusty film right before your eyes. It also came in handy recently when grandpa had an accident in the middle of my daughter’s graduation party. Her friends were impressed."
"It seems obvious to me that the instructions should include the insertion of a popsicle stick before spraying the can. Then you would not even need a scoop to relocate the poopsicle."
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Well, it certainly can if this smooth working devil is anything to go by. He sees the chance to woo his girlfriend and goes for it. When she vomits, she is clearly registering approval.
I say, "well done, you are an example to men all over the world!"
Girlfriend Nailed with Disgusting Concoction - Watch more Funny Videos
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Three good friends are on the way to the cinema and notice that someone has stepped on a dog poo right next to the queue. One of the friends poured some of his popcorn over the smeared pile to cover it from sight - and from that moment on The Sprinkle Brigade was born.
The Sprinkle Parade has one mission in life - to use dog poo to put a smile on your face! And they do it in the most unusual way...
The boys have a thriving sideline in T shirt & artwork sales and have exhibited their "artwork" in galleries in New York & Lyon. They even have a best selling book, their own line of chocolates, a coat of arms & a motto!
Which just proves that there is profit to be found in dog mess!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It is important to tell about the realities of life.
Dorking rugby club did just that to highlight the problem on their pitch:
As far as I am concerned, rugby can be a dangerous sport. Anything, which softens the blow as kids hit the ground has to be for the good.
Anyway, what are washing machines for?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Desmond entitles this piece, "Die! Die! Die! You worthless piece of dog fouling excrement". Which I think truly captures his inner feelings of frustration & anger that we all experience at some time in our life.
Desmond is only allowed to work with finger paints due to the restrictions on possessing sharp or pointed items currently imposed on him by the doctors. He will be eligible for parole in 5 years and is hoping to exhibit some of his other works on his release.
Favourite pieces include, "Drop another red rubber band postie & your testicles are mine" & "Mummy, this chocolate tastes funny".
Monday, July 13, 2009
A specially commissioned doodle, entitled House Broken, for the followers of Dog Fouling & Red Rubber Bands.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I personally don't think they went far enough. Saatchi & Saatchi were obviously streaks ahead of their competitors to produce such innovative anti dog fouling propaganda in the 1990's. We need their shock tactics today if we are ever to make any progress in the dog mess war.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Peter Arronsen is obviously upset at the victimisation he is receiving from his local postman who is depositing red rubber bands around his garden. I can't help but feel the victimisation should be the other way around.
Take this story from Korea as an example on how victimisation & vigilantism should work ...
One passenger known only as Miss Kim said,
I took out my camera and I was taking pictures and pushing her to clean the poop, but she didn't say anything. She was just looking at her dog and petting it. The subway train got to Ahyun Station and when the doors opened, she got off. At that time, she said something rude to the old woman."
When Miss Kim returned home, she uploaded the images to her personal website, where they existed for many weeks.
Nevertheless, the young woman was eventually forced to capitulate with an online apology, which in time made the whole thing blow over
"I know I was wrong, but you guys are so harsh. I regret it, but I was so embarrassed so I just wanted to leave there. I was very irritable because many people looked at me and pushed me to clean the poop. Anyhow, I'm sorry. But, if you keep putting me down on the internet I will sue all the people and at the worst I will will commit suicide. So please don't do that anymore."
Are you up to the challenge ?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
What is spoiling this scene? "What" you may well ask. Well I'll tell you.
This had been left on my driveway next to the flowers.
I can only assume that my connection with this blog has been made known at the local sorting office. Clearly, they have done this as part of a concerted attack on me, this blog, and all, for which I stand.
They have picked on the wrong person!
I don't go around looking for trouble as long as people leave me alone. I don't drop red rubber bands at the sorting office, why do it to me? I can tell you why, personal spite!
I enjoy a peaceful life but I cannot allow this kind of challenge to go unanswered. I hope to continue posting here for a long time but, if I now experience an unavoidable absence as a result of this impending conflict, then please be advised that I will return.
Somebody has to stand up for the silent majority. Today, I am that somebody!
Friday, July 03, 2009
Great article in the Mexican online newspaper El Mañana :
"Adriana Martinez Ruiz, aged 14 of Mexico City, died last night after being hit on the head with a paper clip projected by a red rubber band by one of her classmates. Her death is being investigated by the PGJDF (Mexican Police). It is believed the blow to the head caused her to have a seizure and fall, fracturing her skull.
Classmate Amauri Pineda Gutiérrez is currently being investigated for murder."
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Is there really a need for dogs to foul anywhere? Clearly the answer is "no"!
A concerted effort to train all dogs to do this will eliminate the problem and this blog will the be able to focus on something trivial instead.